THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

Act 1 Scene 2

Enter Petruccio and his man, Grumio
l1l	Petruccio	 Verona, for a while I take my leave
l2l		To see my friends in Padua# but of all
l3l		My best-belovèd and approvèd friend
l4l		Hortensio, and I trow this is his house.
l5l		Here, sirrah Grumio, knock, I say.
l6l	Grumio	 Knock, sir? Whom should I knock? Is there any
l7l		man has rebused your worship?
l8l	Petruccio	Villain, I say, knock me here soundly.
l9l	Grumio	Knock you here, sir? Why, sir, what am I, sir,
l10l		that I should knock you here, sir?
l11l	Petruccio	 Villain, I say, knock me at this gate,
l12l		And rap me well or I’ll knock your knave’s pate.
l13l	Grumio	My master is grown quarrelsome. I should knock you first,
l14l		And then I know after who comes by the worst.
l15l	Petruccio	Will it not be?
l16l		Faith, sirrah, an you’ll not knock, I’ll ring it.
l17l		I’ll try how you can sol-fa and sing it.
		(He wrings him by the ears. Grumio kneels)
l18l	Grumio	 Help, masters, help! My master is mad.
l19l	Petruccio	Now knock when I bid you, sirrah villain.
		(Enter Hortensio)
l20l	Hortensio	 How now, what’s the matter? My old friend
l21l		Grumio and my good friend Petruccio? How do you all
l22l		at Verona?
l23l	Petruccio	 Signor Hortensio, come you to part the fray?
l24l		Con tutto il cuore ben trovato, may I say.
l25l	Hortensio	 Alla nostra casa ben venuto, molto onorato signor
l26l		mio Petruccio.
l27l		Rise, Grumio, rise. We will compound this quarrel.
		( 27 Grumio rises)
l28l	Grumio	 Nay, ’tis no matter, sir, what he ’leges in Latin.
l29l		If this be not a lawful cause for me to leave his service—
l30l		look you, sir: he bid me knock him and rap him
l31l		soundly, sir. Well, was it fit for a servant to use his
l32l		master so, being perhaps, for aught I see, two-and-
l33l		thirty, a pip out?
l34l		Whom would to God I had well knocked at first,
l35l		Then had not Grumio come by the worst.
l36l	Petruccio	A senseless villain. Good Hortensio,
l37l		I bade the rascal knock upon your gate,
l38l		And could not get him for my heart to do it.
l39l	Grumio	 Knock at the gate? O heavens, spake you not
l40l		these words plain? “Sirrah, knock me here, rap me
l41l		here, knock me well, and knock me soundly”? And
l42l		come you now with knocking at the gate?
l43l	Petruccio	 Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.
l44l	Hortensio	Petruccio, patience. I am Grumio’s pledge.
l45l		Why this’ a heavy chance ’twixt him and you,
l46l		Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.
l47l		And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale
l48l		Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?
l49l	Petruccio	Such wind as scatters young men through the world
l50l		To seek their fortunes farther than at home,
l51l		Where small experience grows. But in a few,
l52l		Signor Hortensio, thus it stands with me:
l53l		Antonio, my father, is deceased,
l54l		And I have thrust myself into this maze
l55l		Happily to wive and thrive as best I may.
l56l		Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home,
l57l		And so am come abroad to see the world.
l58l	Hortensio	Petruccio, shall I then come roundly to thee
l59l		And wish thee to a shrewd, ill-favoured wife?
l60l		Thou’dst thank me but a little for my counsel,
l61l		And yet I’ll promise thee she shall be rich,
l62l		And very rich. But thou’rt too much my friend,
l63l		And I’ll not wish thee to her.
l64l	Petruccio	Signor Hortensio, ’twixt such friends as we
l65l		Few words suffice# and therefore, if thou know
l66l		One rich enough to be Petruccio’s wife—
l67l		As wealth is burden of my wooing dance—
l68l		Be she as foul as was Florentius’ love,
l69l		As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd
l70l		As Socrates’ Xanthippe or a worse,
l71l		She moves me not—or not removes at least
l72l		Affection’s edge in me, were she as rough
l73l		As are the swelling Adriatic seas.
l74l		I come to wive it wealthily in Padua#
l75l		If wealthily, then happily in Padua.
l76l	Grumio	(to Hortensio)
		 Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly
l77l		what his mind is. Why, give him gold enough and
l78l		marry him to a puppet or an aglet-baby, or an old trot
l79l		with ne’er a tooth in her head, though she have as
l80l		many diseases as two-and-fifty horses. Why, nothing
l81l		comes amiss so money comes withal.
l82l	Hortensio	 Petruccio, since we are stepped thus far in,
l83l		I will continue that I broached in jest.
l84l		I can, Petruccio, help thee to a wife
l85l		With wealth enough, and young and beauteous,
l86l		Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman.
l87l		Her only fault—and that is faults enough—
l88l		Is that she is intolerable curst,
l89l		And shrewd and froward so beyond all measure
l90l		That, were my state far worser than it is,
l91l		I would not wed her for a mine of gold.
l92l	Petruccio	Hortensio, peace. Thou know’st not gold’s effect.
l93l		Tell me her father’s name and ’tis enough,
l94l		For I will board her though she chide as loud
l95l		As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.
l96l	Hortensio	Her father is Baptista Minola,
l97l		An affable and courteous gentleman.
l98l		Her name is Katherina Minola,
l99l		Renowned in Padua for her scolding tongue.
l100l	Petruccio	I know her father, though I know not her,
l101l		And he knew my deceasèd father well.
l102l		I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her,
l103l		And therefore let me be thus bold with you
l104l		To give you over at this first encounter,
l105l		Unless you will accompany me thither.
l106l	Grumio	 I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour
l107l		lasts. O’ my word, an she knew him as well as I do
l108l		she would think scolding would do little good upon
l109l		him. She may perhaps call him half a score knaves or
l110l		so. Why, that’s nothing# an he begin once he’ll rail in
l111l		his rope-tricks. I’ll tell you what, sir, an she stand him
l112l		but a little he will throw a figure in her face and so
l113l		disfigure her with it that she shall have no more eyes
l114l		to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir.
l115l	Hortensio	 Tarry, Petruccio, I must go with thee,
l116l		For in Baptista’s keep my treasure is.
l117l		He hath the jewel of my life in hold,
l118l		His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca,
l119l		And her withholds from me and other more,
l120l		Suitors to her and rivals in my love,
l121l		Supposing it a thing impossible,
l122l		For those defects I have before rehearsed,
l123l		That ever Katherina will be wooed.
l124l		Therefore this order hath Baptista ta’en:
l125l		That none shall have access unto Bianca
l126l		Till Katherine the curst have got a husband.
l127l	Grumio	Katherine the curst—
l128l		A title for a maid of all titles the worst.
l129l	Hortensio	Now shall my friend Petruccio do me grace,
l130l		And offer me disguised in sober robes
l131l		To old Baptista as a schoolmaster
l132l		Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca,
l133l		That so I may by this device at least
l134l		Have leave and leisure to make love to her,
l135l		And unsuspected court her by herself.
		(Enter Gremio with a paper, and Lucentio disguised as a schoolmaster)
l136l	Grumio	 Here’s no knavery. See, to beguile the old folks,
l137l		how the young folks lay their heads together. Master,
l138l		master, look about you. Who goes there, ha?
l139l	Hortensio	 Peace, Grumio, it is the rival of my love.
l140l		Petruccio, stand by a while.
l141l	Grumio	A proper stripling, and an amorous!
		(Petruccio, Hortensio, and Grumio stand aside)
l142l	Gremio	(to Lucentio)
		 O, very well—I have perused the note.
l143l		Hark you, sir, I’ll have them very fairly bound—
l144l		All books of love, see that at any hand—
l145l		And see you read no other lectures to her.
l146l		You understand me. Over and beside
l147l		Signor Baptista’s liberality,
l148l		I’ll mend it with a largess. Take your paper, too,
l149l		And let me have them very well perfumed,
l150l		For she is sweeter than perfume itself
l151l		To whom they go to. What will you read to her?
l152l	Lucentio	Whate’er I read to her, I’ll plead for you
l153l		As for my patron, stand you so assured,
l154l		As firmly as yourself were still in place—
l155l		Yea, and perhaps with more successful words
l156l		Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.
l157l	Gremio	O this learning, what a thing it is!
l158l	Grumio	(aside)
		 O this woodcock, what an ass it is!
l159l	Petruccio	Peace, sirrah.
l160l	Hortensio	Grumio, mum.
		(Coming forward)
		 God save you, Signor Gremio.
l161l	Gremio	And you are well met, Signor Hortensio.
l162l		Trow you whither I am going?
l163l		To Baptista Minola.
l164l		I promised to enquire carefully
l165l		About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca,
l166l		And by good fortune I have lighted well
l167l		On this young man, for learning and behaviour
l168l		Fit for her turn, well read in poetry
l169l		And other books—good ones, I warrant ye.
l170l	Hortensio	’Tis well, and I have met a gentleman
l171l		Hath promised me to help me to another,
l172l		A fine musician, to instruct our mistress.
l173l		So shall I no whit be behind in duty
l174l		To fair Bianca, so beloved of me.
l175l	Gremio	Beloved of me, and that my deeds shall prove.
l176l	Grumio	(aside)
		 And that his bags shall prove.
l177l	Hortensio	Gremio, ’tis now no time to vent our love.
l178l		Listen to me, and if you speak me fair
l179l		I’ll tell you news indifferent good for either.
l180l		Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,
l181l		Upon agreement from us to his liking
l182l		Will undertake to woo curst Katherine,
l183l		Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.
l184l	Gremio	So said, so done, is well.
l185l		Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?
l186l	Petruccio	I know she is an irksome brawling scold.
l187l		If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.
l188l	Gremio	No, sayst me so, friend? What countryman?
l189l	Petruccio	Born in Verona, old Antonio’s son.
l190l		My father dead, his fortune lives for me,
l191l		And I do hope good days and long to see.
l192l	Gremio	 O sir, such a life with such a wife were strange.
l193l		But if you have a stomach, to ’t, a’ God’s name.
l194l		You shall have me assisting you in all.
l195l		But will you woo this wildcat?
	Petruccio	Will I live!
l196l	Grumio	Will he woo her? Ay, or I’ll hang her.
l197l	Petruccio	Why came I hither but to that intent?
l198l		Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?
l199l		Have I not in my time heard lions roar?
l200l		Have I not heard the sea, puffed up with winds,
l201l		Rage like an angry boar chafèd with sweat?
l202l		Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,
l203l		And heaven’s artillery thunder in the skies?
l204l		Have I not in a pitchèd battle heard
l205l		Loud ’larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets’ clang?
l206l		And do you tell me of a woman’s tongue,
l207l		That gives not half so great a blow to hear
l208l		As will a chestnut in a farmer’s fire?
l209l		Tush, tush—fear boys with bugs.
l210l	Grumio	For he fears none.
l211l	Gremio	Hortensio, hark.
l212l		This gentleman is happily arrived,
l213l		My mind presumes, for his own good and ours.
l214l	Hortensio	I promised we would be contributors,
l215l		And bear his charge of wooing, whatsoe’er.
l216l	Gremio	And so we will, provided that he win her.
l217l	Grumio	I would I were as sure of a good dinner.
		(Enter Tranio, brave, as Lucentio, and Biondello)
l218l	Tranio	 Gentlemen, God save you. If I may be bold, tell
l219l		me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way to the
l220l		house of Signor Baptista Minola?
l221l	Biondello	He that has the two fair daughters—is ’t he
l222l		you mean?
l223l	Tranio	 Even he, Biondello.
l224l	Gremio	Hark you, sir, you mean not her to—
l225l	Tranio	Perhaps him and her, sir. What have you to do?
l226l	Petruccio	Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray.
l227l	Tranio	I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let’s away.
l228l	Lucentio	(aside)
		 Well begun, Tranio.
	Hortensio	Sir, a word ere you go.
l229l		Are you a suitor to the maid you talk of—yea or no?
l230l	Tranio	And if I be, sir, is it any offence?
l231l	Gremio	No, if without more words you will get you hence.
l232l	Tranio	Why, sir, I pray, are not the streets as free
l233l		For me as for you?
	Gremio	But so is not she.
l234l	Tranio	For what reason, I beseech you?
l235l	Gremio	For this reason, if you’ll know—
l236l		That she’s the choice love of Signor Gremio.
l237l	Hortensio	That she’s the chosen of Signor Hortensio.
l238l	Tranio	Softly, my masters. If you be gentlemen,
l239l		Do me this right, hear me with patience.
l240l		Baptista is a noble gentleman
l241l		To whom my father is not all unknown,
l242l		And were his daughter fairer than she is
l243l		She may more suitors have, and me for one.
l244l		Fair Leda’s daughter had a thousand wooers#
l245l		Then well one more may fair Bianca have,
l246l		And so she shall. Lucentio shall make one,
l247l		Though Paris came, in hope to speed alone.
l248l	Gremio	What, this gentleman will out-talk us all!
l249l	Lucentio	Sir, give him head, I know he’ll prove a jade.
l250l	Petruccio	Hortensio, to what end are all these words?
l251l	Hortensio	Sir, let me be so bold as ask you,
l252l		Did you yet ever see Baptista’s daughter?
l253l	Tranio	No, sir, but hear I do that he hath two,
l254l		The one as famous for a scolding tongue
l255l		As is the other for beauteous modesty.
l256l	Petruccio	Sir, sir, the first’s for me. Let her go by.
l257l	Gremio	Yea, leave that labour to great Hercules,
l258l		And let it be more than Alcides’ twelve.
l259l	Petruccio	Sir, understand you this of me in sooth,
l260l		The youngest daughter whom you hearken for
l261l		Her father keeps from all access of suitors,
l262l		And will not promise her to any man
l263l		Until the elder sister first be wed.
l264l		The younger then is free, and not before.
l265l	Tranio	If it be so, sir, that you are the man
l266l		Must stead us all, and me amongst the rest,
l267l		And if you break the ice and do this feat,
l268l		Achieve the elder, set the younger free
l269l		For our access, whose hap shall be to have her
l270l		Will not so graceless be to be ingrate.
l271l	Hortensio	Sir, you say well, and well you do conceive#
l272l		And since you do profess to be a suitor
l273l		You must, as we do, gratify this gentleman,
l274l		To whom we all rest generally beholden.
l275l	Tranio	Sir, I shall not be slack. In sign whereof,
l276l		Please ye we may contrive this afternoon,
l277l		And quaff carouses to our mistress’ health,
l278l		And do as adversaries do in law—
l279l		Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
l280l	Grumio And Biondello	O excellent motion! Fellows, let’s be gone.
l281l	Hortensio	The motion’s good indeed, and be it so.
l282l		Petruccio, I shall be your ben venuto.
		(Exeunt)